THE MOST WONDERFUL EVENING OF MY LIFE
Just a moment. What's in that bag?
Nothing.
It's empty.
So you travel with an empty bag?
And you have time to waste!
Unfortunately I do, and now you'll waste it with me.
Get out, and let me see what's in the trunk.
So it's you that hamper the traffic!
Do you mind? Just an information.
I should pick up these goods that I gave to your rep in Milan.
In the back room. They're awaiting you.
There he is!
My respects, sir. How are you? All right?
It's my stuff?
I had a little delay at the border. I fear that the bank closes.
If we could hasten...
There!
Look, there's a mistake. What do you give me, jam?
In Milan, I gave you one hundred
Ah... I nearly had a fit!
Hey, wait! What, don't we count them?
What do you do?
Exactly 13 kilos!
- Really? - There! They're counted! - Oh, really?
- 100 million weigh 13 kilos? - Gross with the cardboard!
- Why, didn't you know? - No!
Per favore!
l am a client. I need to deposit...
Imagine if there is anyone!
For two minutes late! What the hell!
The country of the banks and then are closed!
Hey! It could have been anyone!
Might say, we are in Switzerland! Okay, but it's 100 million!
Are we kidding!?
Please! You know whose bike this is? I'm saying to you, flic!
Wait a minute! Wait.
"Wait a minute"? It obstructs me!
There he is! He takes it easy!
Look, biker, is that the way to park?
Who do you think you are, with this jalopy? Hurry, get away!
Well, I didn't expect this!
Sorry if I attacked you! Leave it here, I don't need the car now.
I had to go to the bank but it was closed...
...so I have to stay in Switzerland until morning.
You put on your helmet. I assume that you're leaving now.
- I stay here, at the hotel Splendid. - You called me?
- Me, I called you? - Yes, you. - Not me.
- Okay, I get it! - Thanks anyway, flic!
Le flic interrupted us. I was asking you...
if you'd like a little drink, here at the Splendid?
Don't be shy!
Wow, what strength! I couldn't make it!
Sprechen Sie Deutsch? Parlez vous Francais?
Are you leaving?
Bon voyage!
Here I am!
Miss, see that I caught up with you?
Now we can sto... Sure!
Wait!
Stop! Where are we going?
Halt, halt! Stop!
Excuse me, please! I got stuck with the...
...the car!
Where's a phone? To call the roadside assistance!
My car is stuck.
Are you going to bring me? Thanks. I move the car.
Don't bother, I'll do by myself. It's downhill.
That's it!
My bag, oh! Excuse me!
Not so much for the bag, but...
I leave the keys in the dashboard.
Thank you.
And excuse the inconvenience.
I don't understand why it stopped, so suddenly!
I checked the carburetor, spark plugs, the distributor...
No use! Everything fine.
Modestly, I know all about engines. You bet! With all the cars I've had!
It never happened before! A mystery. A true mystery!
The horse never betrays!
Surely you'll say "lt doesn't reach 280", but...
Hey, listen, but when we arrive?
But there's a phone here?
Thank goodness, there is someone who speaks! Hello lady!
My car is stopped. Could I use the phone?
Unfortunately I don't understand. I need a phone!
Telephon...ah, great! Telephoniren!
I just don't understand.
I get by with most languages, but German, unfortunately...
I don't know it. Telephoniren!
Amiable...
I go with you?
I only know "ja".
You're very euphoric! Why are you laughing?
Do I make you laugh?
- Ah, Italian! - Hello Master! - Good morning sir!
Do you want to call?
Yes, if possible. My car is stuck amid the road, I would call a mechanic.
There are the Kirsers brothers at Anborg. They are good and very honest.
- Thanks. - Time to wash my hands and I go with you.
I was choosing the partridges. It is a very delicate work.
The game should be ripened, yes, but not rotten!
And this is ripened, huh?
If the animal was killed by a shot or two...
Then is attacked only by gut microbes, which are not toxic.
But if the animal was hit by a full shower of shots, "a rose", as they say,
Its muscles are infected by microbes of putrefaction.
- And what's the name of this castle? - Chateau de La Brunetimre.
- It must be very old, huh? - It was built in two different periods.
A wing is in Romanesque style, another is in Gothic style, there!
- Who's the owner? - The last Count de La Brunetimre.
- Die-hards, these Counts! - Eh! His time will come too!
- Make this phone call! - Now, sir.
- This is the living room? - It's the hall of justice!
Here, the Counts of La Brunetinre administered justice.
- Poor devil who fell into their hands! - Why?
How, why? Look at their faces!
You believe that today's judges have more reassuring faces?
Oh, no!
No, no. They have the same faces!
- I seem to know this! - Where did your car stop?
Ah, on a bridge, a wooden bridge, a mile from here!
- What car is it? - It's a Maserati Indy, lobster.
- Maserati... - Lobster.
- Lo...lobster? - It's lobster tint, lobster red.
- Lobster color! - Yeah, not a lobster!
They're going now, and soon will let us know.
Don't worry. You're lucky, they also speak a little Italian.
Listen... excuse me, who are these two?
The antepenult Count,
And the penultimate Count de La Brunetimre.
But...then you would be...?! - The last!
The last in the branch.
The fruit!
I ask your infinite pardon, Count!
But think about the blunder! I took you for a workman,
I saw you so busy in the kitchen, and then you're so, how to say, so...
Helpful!
Imagine, I was about to give you a tip!
Don't worry. To a guest all is granted...
...even mistakes!
Thank you so much, Count. Allow me to introduce myself.
Dr. Alfredo Rossi.
Rossi?
But I've met some other Rossi!
Italy is full of them! The most common name along with Bianchi.
You mean that Italy is full of whites and of reds. ls that so?
And of blacks!
- And whom do you side with? - But, for Rome team. Go, Wolves!
Here they are! My friends coming back from hunting! - Yes?
Come and meet them. - Gladly! Wait! My bag!
Sorry, Count!
Come, Dr. Rossi. You'll see, very nice people!
Welcome back!
I see you had a good hunt!
Bravo! Even two deer. Great!
Ah, good news! We have a nice Italian guest.
I introduce you Dr. Alfredo Rossi.
- The state prosecutor Zorn. - Very pleased.
Very fortunate!
- The President of the Court of Appeal, Dutz. - Fortunate. - Delighted!
- The Registrar Bouisson. - Pleasure.
My pleasure.
You're staying, right?
Sorry, but unfortunately I can't stay over.
- But why not? - The gentleman's car had a breakdown.
- A serious fault? - I hope not!
Thanks to the Count, the mechanics are already consulting.
- And so, we both missed it! - Ah, always the same old bully!
- You live in Switzerland? - No, unfortunately.
- Oh! And why do you say unfortunately? - Because I adore Switzerland!
A country that's clean, tidy, with no strikes. A peaceful country!
- Since some time, a little less orderly. - Yeah?
- And a little less peaceful. - I get it!
- You allude to the Italian immigrants? - Oh no!
Don't make me say what I don't think, and that neither my friends think.
We really love your country, Dr. Rossi!
In my youth, I studied at the University of Milan for more than 2 years.
Beautiful city!
I think of it often, you know? And with a lot of nostalgia!
Of your youth, mostly. Because, of our Milan,
you can say all, except that it's a beautiful city.
- Ah, but you are Milanese! - No, I'm Roman.
- "Romano de Roma!" - Yes, from Rome.
But unfortunately I live in Milan, for reasons of work.
Who knows why, you always say "unfortunately".
Yeah, true, unfortunately!
You, doctor, are here for the oncology congress?
- What congress? - The congress on cancer, in Geneva.
No...! I am not a medical doctor.
I deal with synthetic fibers.
I am the representative in Italy for Efestion Co.
- Efestion? - Efestion!
The last word of modern chemistry in terms of lightness and strength.
See. The Americans use it for the astronauts' suits.
In Italy, instead, we make underwear with it.
Believe me. A beautiful woman in a nightgown Efestion...
Is particularly exciting!
A beautiful woman in a nightgown, is always exciting!
So, you're here on business?
No, an appointment at the bank, but now is postponed until tomorrow at 9,
Cause I arrived two minutes late, and you Swiss, in terms of punctuality...
We invented it, so to sell the watches!
Dr. Rossi, enjoy a sip of Porto.
- It is a Delaforce 1942. - Ah, thanks Count!
And, you know who sent it to me?
That young Portuguese“.
Who stopped over here last month.
Ah! Do you remember?
A defendant who managed to get away for the skin of his teeth!
Our public prosecutor, at the end of his scholarly indictment,
Had asked to sentence him to 19 years, and 11 months! Right!
But I have shown the non premeditation, and our president.
Sentenced him to a minimum sentence.
Why, you still practice the profession?
Sorry, I said still, I didn't mean...
Do not apologize. Your still is fully justified.
Indeed, we are retired, and since many years too!
Eh, indeed I was saying!
After a lifetime of work,
One has the right to a well-deserved rest, what the heck!
Rest? Agony!
Of all the diseases of old age,
Retirement is the worst.
It was prosecutor Zorn who suggested the idea of reviving the old profession.
- Ah, yes? - Alas!
And so, whenever we gather here to hunt, we invent a trial.
- A trial? A real trial? - Yes, a real trial,
In which lawyer La Brunetimre assumes the defense of the accused,
public prosecutor Zorn supports the prosecution,
And me, President Dutz, modestly, l judge like in the good old days.
Arteries, hormones, pancreas, everything worked again. Boredom vanished!
Are back agility, appetite, energy, flexibility!
- Look, look how it's done! - Where are you going?
- No, no! - Careful! - Leave, leave!
On one leg, hop!
Today, it came out even better!
Damn, he's very good, huh!
But, sorry, you, exactly, are you doing?
We reenact historical trials.
The trial of Socrates, Jesus, Joan of Arc,
Dreyfuss...
Galeazzo Ciano, Marshal Pfitain...
And we often come to very different conclusions.
From those of the original trial.
Of course, the game becomes more exciting
when we can practice with a defendant in the flesh.
Last week we tried just an Italian.
- A deputy of the majority, - No!
- Come to meetings to emigrants. - How, a deputy?
And the immunity? In Italy, whatever he does, he can't go to jail!
In our trials, the immunity does not apply.
We sentenced him to 14 years for extortion and embezzlement.
- Honestly, he deserved it! - Yeah!
Ah! But it is a stern court, yours!
Stern, but fair.
It's really a shame that you have to leave!
But you, Dr. Rossi, wouldn't you participate in our game?
But I am not a lawyer, I have no legal experience. What could I do?
But the defendant does not need experience!
The defend...
How? The defendant?
I'd be so happy to defend you!
Sure! I could have done the defendant!
...would be fun, why not? But...
But is that my car?
Bravo! They've already repaired it!
Must you really run away?
Oh yes! Excuse me, I'm sorry, but...
for me it would be an honor to be defended by a lawyer Count, but...
...some other time, huh! - You leave us, Dr. Rossi?
- Wait, I'll escort you out! - No, don't bother!
I return to greet you! Excuse me.
But, then he's leaving?
Not necessarily!
Ah, good, done already? What had happened?
Nothing. - How, nothing? Would not start!
It had absolutely nothing! I turned the key, the engine started.
It's all right.
It's perfect! It starts immediately. Strange!
But what was it?
I'll tell you that we also thought it was a joke.
No, no, no joke! It really didn't start! I have...
- But, are you alike? - Ja.
- How much? - Nothing, sir.
It was a pleasure for me to drive a car like this.
I had never tried one.
But I don't think your little twin had as much fun.
Thank you, sir!
Ah! You're not that much alike, after all!
There!
Gentlemen of the court, the defendant seeks freedom on bail!
Well?
Nobody here?
Count, I'm leaving!
But, they're disappeared?
Count! I wanted to thank you for the delicious...
Hey, no one answers here! I salute you and I'm leaving!
Oh, no!
- Dr. Rossi! - Yes?
- I hope you have decided not to leave! - No!?
And who leaves you anymore! That is, I meant...
That you remain to dine with us!
- I'd stay, even willingly... - Ah, bravo!
Only, it's late already, I have yet to find a hotel!
Where I sleep tonight?
- You have no hotel for tonight? - No.
In that case, I can't let you go!
But, I would not disturb.
- No, you stay with us. It's an order! - Okay, you win. I stay!
- Hurrah! - Soon we go to dinner!
Simonetta? - Thank you. - Simonetta?
- What was wrong with your car? - Nothing. Just nothing!
Dr. Rossi is our guest.
We will be five at the table.
Oh, what a nice surprise! We also have a pretty "femme de chambre"!
- Good evening. - Dr. Rossi. - Which room can we give to Dr. Rossi?
- The emperor's apartment. - Ah, yes!
It's an honor!
No, no, I'll bring it, don't bother!
- Come upstairs to cool off. - Yes.
Excuse me!
- I'm sorry, you are all in tails, and I have nothing to change. - No worry!
- I didn't plan to dine in Switzerland. - Come, Dr. Rossi! - Yes, Count!
Excuse me!
Neither did I anticipate to sleep in an emperor's apartment!
You also had an Emperor in the family!
- Watch out, there is a broken step! - Yes, I've seen.
- The Emperor Napoleon was a guest in. - Curious character!
- This castle. - I am sure we will have fun tonight!
Let's hope he too will have fun!
The Emperor Napoleon was a guest in this castle.
- Napoleon? - And not just him!
- In the castle also slept the Barbarossa. - With the seven wives?
No. That, doctor, was Bluebeard.
Emperor Frederick...
Barbarossa, defeated at Legnano by the Lombard League. Do you remember?
Ah! "Emperor Frederick in Como"!
"...when a messenger enters Milan..." - Sure. Come.
Here, come in doctor!
If you really want to change, there's enough to choose from.
Wow! Looks like La Scala's wardrobe! All yours, count?
- All at your disposal. - But shall I wear the tails?
As you wish. But there are other evening suits.
- Here, see? - No, no, no, I prefer the tails!
You know that I've never worn tails? Red, too!
- It's the tails of the hunting club, or... - Ah, beautiful!
This jacket of fox hunting.
No, with tails, I like it with tails!
- Then this. - How do I look with it, Miss?
- Fantastic! - You going?
- Doctor... - Yes, no, I said... really, I'll wear tails?
Count, but Napoleon has really slept in this bed?
Yes, five nights in 1809, before the Peace of Schunbrunn,
Which marked the apogee of Napoleonic power,
- As you remember! - Oh, sure!
Indeed he was mighty, Napoleon! He put them all beneath!
But, how did he manage to sleep in this bed?
- So small! - Not to mention...
That the great Corsican was more or less tall so,
About a meter and a half,
Until last century, all the powerful, all the aristocrats, slept seated.
No! Why?
- They believed blood circulates better. - Yeah?
That it was good for the skin.
Only the poor slept lying down.
Yeah, it's true.
Indeed, the poor do have a bad skin!
You'll see doctor, you'll be just fine in it!
The last one that slept there was a giant of six feet.
A German, a former SS general.
Oh, I sweat blood to save his head!
Our prosecutor, had asked for him...
The death penalty!
How?
You even sentence to death?
So far, I have always managed to avoid the death penalty.
It is the very possibility.
Of the death penalty, which makes our game more exciting.
We also have the Executioner. You have met him.
- My mute servant, Pilet! - Pilet?
An Executioner? He's perfect, has really the face of an Executioner!
He is an Executioner!
Now he too is retired, but he has done, for a good twenty years,
the executor of justice in the service of the state.
Even gave me a ride! We made the trip together in the cart.
Alone, he and I!
Well done, though! This is how you must play! Seriously!
How do I look, Count?
Perfect!
- Yes? But aren't sleeves a bit long? - Perfect! - Perfect.
Ah, excuse me, Count!
Where can I put this?
What is it?
- Oh! It's millions! - One hundred!
- The fruit...of a robbery? - No!
This is the fruit of my work!
A tree that is bearing fruit, yours! Come on, put them here!
Ah, a coffer!
It is safer than the safe of a bank.
Down! - What's important for me, is that they stay in Switzerland.
- We are the bank of the world! - How true!
Here!
Ah, there's the secret, too! Brilliant! Go find the hole!
There!
- No, after you! - Please. - Thanks!
Yes, I've seen!
Pouilly Fumi '61. A wine delicate and nervous.
Oh, no! More yet!?
And what food! It is a wonder!
- What fish is it? - Giant trout of the Nisse.
Thank you.
Doctor Rossi,
Can you tell us why your car stopped"
on the bridge of the Nisse?
Yeah, actually it was a mysterious breakdown!
With me, the car wouldn't start, and the mechanics said it was okay.
I wasn't referring to the breakdown. Why were you traveling a road...
That leads nowhere except here?
You do not have to answer!
Why not? Instead I want to answer frankly.
- I was following a woman. - A woman?
- Beautiful? - Very!
So, following a woman, you've had a breakdown?
Happened to you before?
To follow a woman?
Mine is a silly question, given the way you're looking"
at our lovely Simonetta.
Dr. Rossi,
Confess that the only reason that convinced you to stay here with us,
Was the apparition of this young lady.
Never confess! At most, we could admit...
That has been a concurrent cause.
- Well, yes, I confess! - Bravo!
But you also must confess.
Tell the truth. You have invited me to dinner...
Just to have someone to play with at the trial.
- Not only that. - Yes, let's admit it!
True, prosecutor?
Yes. Because you Italians are the ideal defendants!
You slip like eels through the articles in the code!
And what would be my crime, for example?
This is for you to say.
Well then, in this case...
Mr. President, my life is an open book!
An offense can always be found.
Who among us has not at least one skeleton in the closet:?
Well, unless you consider offense taking one's money safe. ls it an offense?
For us, no, indeed! Switzerland thrives,
thanks to illegal exporters of capital, like you!
- Dr. Rossi! - Yes?
Tell us a little about your roots,
your family.
Well, I am of very humble origins. My father was a bricklayer.
He was also very good, but...
They always chased him away from all places, wherever he went.
He was a socialist, communist, what do I know!
And of course the fascists always beat him.
- You said "of course". - Yes.
We must thus assume you found natural that the fascists beat your father.
No!
But they were the rulers!
- It was forbidden to think otherwise. - Ah! Then you are a conformist?
No!
l am for order, for legality!
I hope the prosecutor will not find fault with on this too!
Indeed! It is a point in favor of your right-thinking client!
Continue, continue, Dr. Rossi!
Continue what?
My mother, poor woman, she had to do?
Always struggling with poverty,
she had only me, and I unfortunately...
After primary school, I had to start working.
You say, Doctor, that you've only done primary school.
But then, how could you get your degree and become a doctor?
I'm not doctor! They call me Doctor!
It is an Italian habit. Especially Roman.
With us, you see, mister, Mr Rossi, doesn't sound right.
Instead, Dr. Rossi!
It may sound better, but usurpation of title is an offense, Mr Rossi!
Oh, yeah? Then half of Italy should go to jail! Come on!
But we must recognize that my client,
Though devoid of higher education, has been able to get ahead in life!
Oh, yes! Yes!
I'm a self-made man.
Gentlemen, a few years ago I was a petty salesman,
A Rep, running with the samples from a village to another.
I slept in stations, in the cold, without a coat...
Never saw a penny What's a penny?
Imagine that time! And that hungry!
One night me and a friend of mine, Augustarello,
We ate a bowl so big of hail!
- Hail? - Hail, hail, hailstones!
- Just...hail! - Admirable!
We appreciate your sincerity. You take note, do you, Registrar?
Of all, Mr. President, everything!
Takes note!
But today you have a car that, I'm no expert, it costs several million!
For heaven's sake, a madness, forget it! - Why? Let's talk.
Well, I must confess... - But you can't! You have the mania to confess!
No, I meant...
that until a year ago, I drove a 600. Well, you can't imagine...
The difference if you deal a bargain and come with a nice big car, prestigious.
Now you are somebody, not "Cacini", as they say in Rome!
Of course, all costs! Then there is the villa, the family!
Maybe you don't know what it costs today in Italy, a family!
You are married?
No! No, we are widowers!
Except for the prosecutor, who is a bachelor.
- Really? - Bachelor!
That's why he so blindly trusts in the logic.
Because he never lived with a woman.
There. I have here, by chance, some snapshot.
If you want to see, these are my jewels.
And that is the owner of the jewelry, my wife!
Oh! Beautiful woman! - Yes, enough. She's no longer a little girl!
That's my son on a motorcycle. Don't be fooled by the hair, it's a boy, huh!
In the sports car is my daughter,"
and those are the twins, Perla e Giada, the youngest!
They have no means of locomotion?
They have a scooter!
I caught your irony, Mr. Prosecutor!
Yes, true, I can't deny anything to my family,
as I can afford it, since I have the Efestion representation.
Dr. Rossi, the Milan office on the phone!
Oh, finally! But at this hour there will be no one!
- Yes, your secretary answered. - Excuse me!
- No, this way! - Where? - This way. - Yes!
Where is it, in the cupboard?
Milan? One moment.
Hello? Hey there, Ravizza! What are you doing still in office?
No, no, no, it's not a rebuke! Indeed, I was surprised!
I asked for the communication 2 hours ago, there's no direct dialing here.
Still in Switzerland!
The appointment at the bank is postponed to tomorrow morning at 9. What's New?
Augustarello didn't want the envelope? Better!
Refusing 10,000 lire is to say he doesn't need them.
And you do not worry. Look, Ravizza, do me a favor!
Call the Grand Hotel in Rimini, tell my wife to call me at this number...
Excuse me, President, what number has the castle? - 004231 - 004231 is the...
25555. - 004231 is the code...ehm... Hey, what was it?
- 25555. - 25555.
Yea, four 5s, Ravizza! Come on, is it that hard?
Oh, look, Ravizza, do me another favor!
Check my agenda for tomorrow morning's appointments...
...because, by now, I can not be in office before noon.
Oh, yeah, poor dad! Poor Dad!
Yes, today was his day out. I completely forgot.
Okay, I'll go see him next week. Remind me!
You won't believe it!
I'm in a castle, in red tails, with four gentlemen, retired judges!
There, you see Annamaria, you don't believe me ever!
OK. Bye, see you tomorrow Annamaria. Bye, kisses!
Woe if I hadn't my Ravizza! Oh, sorry!
A pearl! Capable, beautiful, good, faithful!
It is her who tells me every night what my employees say and do,
My drivers, warehousemen, porters... Indeed, what they don't do!
If you knew what skivers! Only good at demanding and striking.
The glasses!
We won't drink another wine, maybe? We already had six qualities!
I'm not used to mixing!
- By chance, is not an Italian wine? - Bravo!
- Is it Italian? - Yes.
- I did uncork it in your honor! - Thank you, Count!
Brunello di Montalcino riserva Biondi Santi.
Brunello? I'd heard about, but I never drank it.
- Stuff for 5 or 6,000 lire to the bottle! - Even 200,000. - No!
- And what is it? - It's from 1936.
Lawyer, you spoil us too much!
No! They are old bottles of my poor dad.
One of the last, alas!
All the good old things of the past fade away!
- Ah! So, you're the conservative! - On the contrary.
The conservative regrets only the worst of the past.
Oh, kidneys a la Bordelaise!
The aunt made them just for you, President!
But back to our defendant.
Where were we?
"I can't deny anything to my family, as I can afford it...
Since I have the Efestion representation.
But, our Registrar has an iron memory, besides the stomach. Bravo!
And how did you get representation?
With your ability, with your wits, by right, by seniority. How?
- Well - Be careful!
- It's a tricky question! - No, I have nothing to hide!
Well, sure, it was not easy, huh?
If commendatore Ferrati hadn't gone...
- And who is this commendatore Ferrati? - My ex boss!
- And why has he gone? - Why?
Because sooner or later it's up to everyone, huh!
Oh, you mean he's dead?
Yes, he died last year.
Well, great! Gentlemen, we have found a dead! Great!
- We drink to his health! - Hurrah!
Do you see that you too had your nice skeleton in the closet?
- Now that's good news! - A toast, gentlemen! Cheers!
- To the health of the dead! - Cheers!
The pheasant! Well. I thought we had finished!
- Finished? It starts now! - How old was he?
- Who, please? - Commendatore Ferrati.
- Ah! Ehm, 52, 53. - Ah! - Yes.
- Very young! -Well
So you have inherited from Ferrati, the representation of Efestion!
Yeah!
Were it for him, he would leave Efestion to all but me. Inherited? And how!
Why was there so much hostility between the deceased and you?
- Mr. President, I object! - Objection accepted.
The prosecutor must elaborate his question.
There wasn't much liking between you two?
Liking? But he hadn't any for anyone!
Only that, predicting that sooner or later he would go,
I was courting the Americans of Efestion since long.
You know the Americans? I do, since '44!
Back then, I did some black market,
cigarettes, whiskey, women. They're like kids!
So, when came to Milan Mr. Johnson of Efestion,
Or Mr. Mulligan, or the boss himself, Mr. Gardner,
I arranged for them some evenings a bit lively.
Yeah, I mean, I made them find a warm bed, as they say!
Modestly, I know all the most beautiful call girls in Milan!
Imagine that Mr. Mulligan...
...wanted to divorce his wife for a certain Brigitte Dualde, from Cremona.
Such a slut, she was!
And that's why, dead Ferrati, who got the Efestion? Mr. Rossi!
Did you got! Have you grasped the situation?
Never!
Never in my whole career,
I've had a client...
Who has done...
With such ease...
...such incriminating statements!
But... but why? What did I say?
- I just explained how - I obtained the representation. - Count...
- Did I compromise myself? - Count, the devil's horn is ready.
- The devil's horn? What's that? Don't you know? - No!
Come with me.
Where? Sorry, but my lawyer told me to go!
- Come. - Yes. Coming, lawyer.
He's angry!
You shouldn't allow La Brunetinre to withdraw with the accused!
At this point...
I don't think it matters!
So, this is the devil's horn?
Do you realize that, thanks to your twaddle,
We are on the good way to spectacularly lose our trial?
But why lawyer, please? What did I say so terrible?
Everything! At the table, you have evoked a dead whose death was your luck!
- But then I had to lie? - No.
But either so voluptuously surrender to your vocation to suicide!
You said:"predicting that sooner or later he would go...
He was only 52 years! How could you predict it?
Oh, right!
Hopefully they have not detected.
No, no, no, they haven't noticed. Don't worry, lawyer, they didn't hear!
Hopefully!
And to make matters worse, you have tried in every way to appear...as a proxenete!
And what does that mean? What is proxenete?
- A pimp! - Ah!
A go-between!
Look! Lawyer, you are exaggerating. I might even take offense!
Excuse me! You call me pimp just because I told...
I did spend some time in joy to some American guests?
Go on with you! But in what world you live?
And then sorry, you should defend me! - It's exactly what I'm trying to do!
But you don't want to follow my advice. You talk, talk! Any way it comes!
- From now on, don't talk nonsense! - No.
In fact, do not talk at all. Decline to answer!
Lawyer!
I promise that from this moment on, they won't get a word out of me!
Hey, but these are serious! They put me under pressure.
- Were you ever on trial, you? - Not me. - No?
My child, I don't understand you. What's she saying?
- Aunt says not to worry. You're in good hands. - Yes?
The Count was able to make acquit even one who had killed his father.
- Right, but that's what worries me! - Come, Rossi!
Great lawyers are very good when it comes to make acquit criminals!
Then, instead, they make condemn the innocent.
But you are really an innocent?
Why? Doesn't it show?
No.
- Chateau Haut-Brion '52. - There he goes again with these dates!
Wine robust and lively, classic aroma, composite scent.
A flavor bred, yes! Legend has it that St. Vincent,
After tasting the wine of the mission, remained so conquered...
That he even forgot to go back to heaven.
The divine punishment overtook him and turned it into a stone statue,
Which can still be seen in the courtyard of the castle of Brion.
Mr. Rossi,
I imagine that your lawyer has suggested you a new tactic of defense.
No! I refuse to answer!
Better late than never!
Here they are! Partridges! I was worried.
They're ripened, huh?
- Listen, Mr. Rossi... - Say!
Tell us something on how you killed Commendatore Ferrati!
How you killed Commendatore Ferrati!
- How you killed... - How you killed... - How you killed...
- How you killed...Ferrati!
Me?
Me, I would have killed Commendatore Ferrati?
- You said exactly what? - What?
"Were it for him, he would leave Efestion to all but me.
But I, predicting that sooner or later commendator Ferrati would go,
Was courting the Americans since long."
There. How could you predict the death of a 50 year old man?
Eh, how? Commendatore Ferrati suffered from heart.
He had already had a heart attack. His life was hanging by a thread!
Of course, he kept it hidden.
To you too?
To me? To all!
So how did you know you? From whom?
Well,
I knew it from his wife!
You must have had very close relations with Mrs. Ferrati,
For her to confide you a secret so closely guarded!
Well, actually I must say that
Say! - I must say that there was something between me and Mrs. Franca.
Here we go again! But really, please, control yourself!
Oh, no, because...
Commendatore Ferrati,
With the excuse of the heart attack, he neglected his wife.
So?
So you, young and with a heart of bronze, have taken care...
To console the neglected!
But one day Commendatore Ferrati came to know that his wife was cheating on him...
With his robust employee.
But the point to be clarified is how Commendatore Ferrati...
Discovered your intrigue with the beautiful unfaithful wife!
He found...
The defendant said: "Between me and the lady there was something.
- The word "intrigue" is unacceptable! - Oh yes.
Delete the word "intrigue" from the record.
- Voila! - Well!
He said "delete"! Won't you delete?
No intrigue, then.
Love story, suits you?
Yes, alright.
So then, how did her husband notice it? From who, did he know?
It it was a bad thing. I'd rather not say it, if you do not mind!
Then don't say it.
No, no, no, l won’t tell! Don't worry, I won't say anything.
- As you wish. - No! - Too bad though.
You thus authorize us to imagine something even worse...
Than what perhaps was in reality!
But no, perhaps I'd better tell it! I don't
I don't want you to think badly of me.
So...
I have committed a serious fault.
- A serious fault? - Yes! - Say, say!
- Well... - Mr. President...
...we ask the terms of defense! - Well, but you cannot! What are they?
In summary trials, defense may request the adjournment of the debate.
- To study the documents. - So we'll never end eating, here!
The defendant was about to confess!
The charge has no factual content. And you know it!
We have issues of fact already established, excellent lawyer!
And what would be the cause to crime?
The criminal dynamics is very clear!
The defendant acted with homicidal purpose and for thirst for success.
Success is not necessarily impeachable.
But almost always is pursued to the detriment of others and fraudulently.
With malice!
Gentlemen, we are here exactly to assess the intensity of malice.
Dolus malus!
No. Dolus levis!
Dolus incertus!
Frustra probatur quad probatum non relevat! Dolus malus!
- How's it going? - How it's going?
- Well, we're debating! - Ah!
The criminal resolution of Rossi is rooted in his paleo-psiche.
The defendant, by his own confession, since childhood,
Feels a sort of resentment for his father, unemployed mason.
And here we come to the depth psychology!
Mr. President...
...we're fucked up!
But that resentment arouses in him...
An unconscious feeling of guilt...
That will push the subject son to commit a crime...
By shifting the figure of the father,
Unemployed, in that of the rich Commendatore Ferrati,
- In order to be punished! - End of the second act!
We will attend in the third,
The coupling with the mother!
Always hats off to Freud and Adler. Do not forget, lawyer!
Mr. President, I bow, I raise my hat, I prostrate!
No more clowning around!
The court is tired of your delirious antics, lawyer!
The court is exhausted from your apothegms!
Ineffable public prosecutor!
It's about proven evidence. Although beyond your myopic eye!
It is evidence prostituted by...
Your shameful manipulation. Shame on you!
You are a fanatic collector of low blows!
And you are the clumsy orthopedist.
Of a crippled accusation!
You are an alcoholic exalted!
The wine will have modified your intellectual sphere!
And you're heavily clouded by ventricular orgies!
Dialectically asexual!
Gulliver of blunder!
Midget of the thought!
Braggart!
Grocer!
Order, order, order! Gentlemen! So what?
Eminent prosecutor!
Valiant lawyer!
We call for respect of this court!
And for the respect of yourselves!
Excuse them, Mr. Rossi, the former professional passion! - Heavens no!
They've been squabbling like this in the same courtrooms for thirty years!
Before resuming the debate, I ask the court for permission...
To retire briefly with my client.
But you've already done it a few minutes ago, lawyer! Not granted.
The session is reopened!
Excuse me, Mr. President, but I have to insist.
New elements have emerged during the civil exchange of opinions"
had with the prosecution.
Alright. I grant you a brief meeting. You may go.
- Come. Come with me. - Yes, yes. I'm coming.
Excuse me, huh!
More stuff yet! What is it? Beautiful!
Count, but there is cheese with pears, and we go away?
Come, come! Mr Rossi, it's time to talk seriously.
A breath of fresh air. I really needed it!
Listen, lawyer,
But you eat and drink every night like this?
The prosecutor has uncovered his batteries.
You heard him. He let slip the words "for homicidal purposes".
Which means, premeditated murder.
Exactly! - Certainly the prosecutor is lively, with that big face!
- At this point... - Yes. - We have to change tactics!
Let's change tactics, but not the wines anymore,
Because I can't take it anymore, lawyer, I'm not used to it!
But all hope is not lost.
- You were about to confess a grave fault. - Well?
- But luckily I've interrupted you. - And you always interrupt me!
- You have to tell me! - What? - Me only.
- But what? - Let's get away, they may hear us here!
- Ah, even the dog now! - Tell me...
How you killed Commendatore Ferrati.
How?
Be honest lawyer,
The trout, you sure it was fresh?
- Sure. I caught it myself, personally! - Ah, okay, okay!
- Do not ramble! - No, no, no! - Try to concentrate!
- It is a beautiful game! - Come on, answer my question!
How did you kill...
Ferrati?
A scuffle. He suffered from heart...
you certainly could not predict the lethal effect.
We could sustain the involuntary manslaughter, or...
- But, what are you doing? - In Milan, I want to redo this game!
With lawyer De Pascale and judge Cerioni.
Ravizza as Registrar. And I do the president, I do!
I send everyone to jail! I slam them all in!
Friends, colleagues So they learn to do the assholes!
You said you were not used to drinking.
- Why did you drink so much? -Count,
I take any bad habits immediately!
However, I take this opportunity to tell you that I trust you so much, lawyer!
Rossi, come on, out of this confession! How did you kill Commendatore Ferrati?
Goodly!
If I had had a father like you!
- A father Earl, with goatee and red tails! - How did you kill him?
Lawyer,"
I repeat that, of the death of that rogue, I know nothing!
Rossi? - Eh? - With me, you must confess. How did you kill him?
Lawyer, but do you understand or not, that I haven't killed anyone!
- But what do I confess? What? - But really
- Well, imagine! - Too bad for you!
- Come! - No, no, no. Go on you!
I apologize to the court, but I want to concentrate a moment longer.
Says he fished it himself, but didn't say when!
Mr. Rossi?
Mr. Alfredo Rossi? But where... oh!
But what are you doing?
And what do I do? I'm... don't you see what I'm doing?
Oh! Come, they're waiting for you.
No. If it is to continue to eat, you go on! I'm not coming again, huh!
But dinner is over! Come, they're waiting in the library!
Yes?
I'll be right.
- Hurry up! -Sure!
- Come on! - And they're even in a hurry!
Gentlemen, the court!
Hey there! Wonderful! Even a toga you put on!
Now yes, it is a real court!
- The hearing is reopened! - Get up! - What is it? Ah, the court!
Thanks. A nice coffee with cream. Irish coffee!
- Won't it hurt me? - Sit down. - I sit.
Before starting the final speeches,"
the lords magistrates and lawyers have other questions to ask the defendant?
The defendant, before the interruption, was about to confess a grave offense.
Of course, after the talk with his attorney, he'll carefully avoid doing it.
No, no, I won’t refrain. Indeed,
My lawyer himself told me over and over again to confess. True?
To me, you had to confess! Not to the court, you wretch!
OK, it's the same!
- Lawyer, control yourself! - It's not easy!
Defendant, maintain a proper behavior!
Refrain from laughing.
Excuse me, Mr. President, I didn't mean. I'm laughing because... because...
- Stand up. - It's my fault Oh, I have to stand?
Oh, excuse me. I did say "I have committed a grave fault", but,
in the business world, it is a matter of routine.
When Commendatore Ferrati died, and I've become president,
I had to do, as they say, some cleaning at the Efestion, right?
First, I threw out the Commendatore's flunky, some Otello Lenzini,
A sneak who reported everything to the old man!
And then I got rid of Mrs. Ferrati.
She was a member of the board, but I put her in the minority, and she is gone.
Of course, she was a smart woman but...
but, after what had been between us, I could no longer keep her.
It wasn't proper. Besides, as respect to the memory of the poor Commendatore!
There. I confessed!
This is my fault. If it is serious or not, judge for yourselves!
- Thank you, Rossi! - And what for?
I have no further questions for the defendant.
The defense?
None! Fewer questions are asked to my client, the better for him!
The floor to the public prosecutor for the indictment.
Excellencies of the court, allow me to begin this indictment with a toast!
When I asked the defendant why he traveled a road...
That only leads to this old castle, he replied "I was following a woman"!
Well gentlemen, I toast to this beautiful stranger,
Who allowed us to discover a crime,
Premeditated with such sophistication...
...it's no wonder that has escaped the justice of its country!
And how I came to the conclusion that Rossi is a murderer?
My first premonition was inspired...
...by the unusual circumstance that a simple traveling salesman,
In little more than a year, jumps from an old small car to behind the wheel.
Of an outrageous Maserati!
Real and serious grounds to believe took shape when I learned...
What illness his former principal had died of. Heart attack!
But only when our high jump champion,
Our genial Alfredo Rossi,
Has revealed us that it was Mrs. Ferrati to tell him.
That her husband was suffering from heart,
Only then the criminogenic core appeared to me in all its dazzling evidence!
But let us look back over the stages of the diabolical strategy of Alfredo R.
First stage. Ensure friendliness and gratitude from the bosses of Efestion.
In what way?
Hiring prostitutes he presented to the Americans...
As family girls sensitive to the American charm!
Maybe he even provided some underage, perhaps transvestites!
- What transvestites! - Yes, even transvestites!
Fags, never!
Second stage. Seduce the wife of his boss.
It is not difficult. Our...
Dear Alfredo knows his way with women, since he was a salesman!
He has always been a dashing conqueror! Why be modest?
Sure, sure. And then one day Mrs. Ferrati is alone in the house.
Handsome Alfredo appears before her with the agile step of the seducer!
The woman is young, still beautiful. Her body,
Naked, under the robe of Efestion,
Vibrates with desires no longer satisfied by her invalid husband.
With subtle art and wisdom,
not by chance we are in the country of Cagliostro and Casanova,
Alfredo succeeds in conquering the confidence of the woman and,
With confidence, love!
Mrs. Ferrati yields to Alfredo, indulges in his strong arms,
The only inheritance left by his father bricklayer.
Third and final stage.
That in which the criminal genius of Alfredo draws the heights of the sublime.
Chooses among the colleagues of Efestion he who hates him and hates the most,
That Otello Lenzini, spy, confidante of the Commendatore,
And Alfredo brags right with him about his affair with his boss' wife!
As expected, Lenzini, the Judas, rushes to betray him, the same day.
The commendatore comes to know that in his bed,
One of his employees, makes conversation with his wife.
Ferrati rushes home, discovers the two lovers!
Alfredo was waiting for that irruption.
Indeed, the heart of the poor commendatore does not pass the trial.
It is the collapse, the thread is broken!
A month later, Mr. Rossi sits in the chair as President of Efestion.
The unloved lover and the little Jago are shown the door forever.
Imagine!
Excellencies of the court!
We are facing a murder...
Pondered and carried out with such a thoughtful and rigorous psychology,
To deserve admiration...
respect...
awe!
Thanks. Too good of you, thanks!
Excellencies of the court, for Alfredo Rossi,
A man who pursued and achieved all goals that ambition had pointed out to him,
A man who can rightly be considered"
one of the greatest criminals of the century,
For Alfredo Rossi,
I ask for...
the maximum sentence!
Bravo! Fantastic! Fabulous!
You, public prosecutor, have done an admirable portrait of me!
You know, I could "see" your words! I saw all the images that you described!
Allow me to shake your hand, prosecutor! Bravo!
Order! Order! Defendant, go immediately back to your place!
- This prince! Certainly, President! - Sit down!
- Tough shit for you now! - Wait and see! - I wouldn't know,
He's really great! Bravo! Bravo! Excuse me, president!
The floor to the defense!
This is the first time, since I wore the toga, that I happened...
And now? A power failure?
Ah, hey! Grand! What's this, a religious procession?
It is the cake of justice!
A dessert! Seemed strange there was no dessert!
Never seen justice in better hands!
You cannot say that our justice is not enlightened!
The floor to the defense!
This is the first time, gentlemen,
Since I wore this toga,
That I happened to see a defendant...
Applaud the indictment of a prosecutor.
Who asked for him...
The maximum sentence!
And why he did it?
For irony? No.
For flattery? No.
To hoard the benevolence of the court? No.
So why he did it?
Why? Because he's great, he's great!
The defendant has applauded.
He shouted... his pleasure,
because the prosecution.
Has painted him in gloomy colors, no doubt,
but in the context of a fresco in which Rossi stood out...
As a hero!
- Thanks again. - But what hero!
Our Alfredo is anything but a hero.
Rossi, gentlemen, doesn't have the stature of the protagonist.
He is merely an extra.
A mediocre and lackluster character, at the edge of a story...
...too big for him!
From the words of the prosecution wizard,
jumped out a murder,
like from the hat of the magician a rabbit jumps out.
The defendant had said "There was something between me and Mrs. Ferrati".
But what do you think there has been?
In this courtroom I heard the names of Casanova, Cagliostro.
It has been said of the "agile step of the seducer".
They are words of the bold prosecutor.
No! Our man will have, yes, tried a few clumsy advances with the lady,
But let's remember who is the man.
A salesman! Accustomed to squalid affairs.
With the maids of pensions in the province.
Mrs. Ferrati cast him out as a lackey, not even offended, amused!
Indeed Rossi, as soon as become chairman of Efestion, sends away Mrs. Ferrati.
And with her, the secretary of the boss, the hated Otello Lenzini. And why?
For revenge.
Because he had discovered that Mrs. Ferrati and Lenzini.
Were lovers!
Ferrati comes to know that his wife is unfaithful, and remains stone dead!
We agree with the prosecution.
Only it was Alfredo to reveal the intrigue to him,
Hoping to take the place of Otello Lenzini,
If not in the bed of Mrs. Ferrati,
At least in the heart of his boss.
But that heart, alas, was suspended by a thread!
And this, Alfredo, incapable of great virtue,
but incapable of serious offenses, had not foreseen! That's it!
No criminal design!
No crime. No criminal!
Alfredo Rossi, gentlemen, is a small man!
Lacking in letters and art, provided with an insufficient moral patrimony,
Petit bourgeois,
childishly proud of expensive toys, women, cars,
the villa that he finally possesses,
Alfredo Rossi, gentlemen, is nothing but a pleasant vacationer...
On the beaches of life!
But we want to condemn him for this?
To my client, who has greatly appreciated the disgraceful praise.
Bestowed on him by the prosecution, and who knows.
For what intimate remorse seems so eager to pay some kind of guilt,
I would just remind a sentence by Demosthenes.
To a courtesan, who asked 1,000 drachmas to grant her favors,
He said...
I do not pay so dearly...
A remorse!
That's it!
Excellencies of the court,
I ask that Alfredo Rossi be given...
Full acquittal!
- Mr. President, the defense has ended! - The defense?... - Has finished!
Ah, yes, of course. He finished. Well.
The defendant has something to add in his defense,
before the court withdraws to deliberate?
Of course I have something to add, Mr. President!
Sure I add! You bet! After all that has been said about me!
Thank you.
First of all I must say that the harangue of the defense disappointed me,
Deeply!
And if I knew, I would have chosen another counsel!
Sorry Count, but the prosecutor seemed to be you! You really let loose on me!
You debased me, humiliated, underrated, you have covered me with insults!
Okay, I may lack in letters and psychology but, you too, sorry,
About me, you didn't understand anything at all!
And instead...
Instead I have to say that the prosecutor.
Has dug, has penetrated the very essence of my personality. He caught me!
For the first time, gentlemen, in my life, l...
Have felt...
Understood and appreciated!
Your indictment, prosecutor dear,
To me, it was a revelation!
Apart from some details that you've invented, tell the truth!
Such as the one on the transvestites! But it was miraculous for the rest!
The facts, gentlemen, took place, yes,
Exactly, as he said .
What? Hi dear!
And tonight, here among you, while he accused me,
I had a revelation.
Gentlemen of the court, I realized tonight that I have committed a homicide.
A premeditated murder, in cold awareness.
For ambition, thirst for success!
Yes, it is true, Count La Brunetimre, lam a bit ignorant,
unfortunately I have not attended all of your universities,
But unlike your friend, what's his name? Themistocles?
- Demosthenes. -Well, I said, Demostoles. Yes,
The guy who haggled on the price, who didn't want to pay the whores!
I instead, I want to pay!
Because, while you interrogated me, while you investigated into my life,
While you gradually discovered my crime, and I discovered it with you,
Well, I felt reborn!
Gentlemen, gentlemen of the court, you have here in front of you a new man!
A man...
Who did wrong.
A man who killed, gentlemen!
But who now, finally, wants to expiate.
And I will accept with equanimity...
Whatever sentence this court will inflict!
Even the harshest!
Gentlemen of the court!
Condemn me!
- Condemn me! - Alfredo!
But no, Alfredo, don't do that!
- Mr. Rossi! - Mr. Alfredo!
- But it was a game! - But things really went...?
- Mr. Rossi! - But I couldn't imagine...!
I said it right? How did I do, did I do right? It came spontaneously!
This is the first time I harangue! Dankeschun, miss!
- Bravo! - Bitteschun!
Seen? No legal experience, no degree, I put you all into the trap!
I understood that it's not difficult, just jump!
- Bravo! - If you wish, I can redo it! - No! - No? - Forget it!
- As you wish! - Enough!
- A great actor! - With a bit of imagination!
- A natural instinct for the stage! - Thanks to you, your words, gestures!
- Order! - The faces you do! - Order! - Yes, Mr. President! Yes!
The court withdraws to deliberate in closed session!
- You'll see now! - The president doesn't joke ever!
What's up? Where they going?
- The council chamber, if they get there! - To me, it's a great game!
And I thank you very much for this wonderful evening!
Find me the "animus necandi". I think it's the article
575.
Yes!
Then, fetch me my treatise on...
"Herostratus.
And crimes of ambition".
I hope in a death sentence.
We must fulfill the last wish of the offender, right?
And what will be your last wish?
Why? Don't you guess?
Dr. Rossi?
- Your wife, from Rimini. - Yes!
Hello! Who is it?
Silvanuccia! Darling!
No, no nightclub! It's the restaurant's piped.
I didn't leave because that appointment was postponed tomorrow at 9.
But what you say? Forgotten? Me?
Our anniversary? But pardon, why I would have told Ravizza...
"Call my wife in Rimini and tell her to call me on this number"!
Of course, darling! To exchange wishes, right?
# Best wishes to me! Best wishes to you! #
# Best wishes Silvana, much love and happiness! #
You heard that, darling, you who don't believe me ever?
She hung up!
Where were we?
Why didn't you tell your wife you were here at the castle?
With the 4 oldsters? She'd never believe me. You don't know her!
But your wife knows you, though!
And you don't want to know me? See you later?
Who knows? If they condemn you to death!
Then, I could come to you!
No! I will come, in the cell of the condemned.
Gentlemen, the court!
Damn it!
- Go back to your place! - Huh? - Go on! - Yes.
I have long pondered in the solitude of the the council chamber...
...and I concluded that, in that world...
That Alfredo Rossi goes through on his roaring car,
Human justice...
which always has a small displacement, would never have reached him.
But fate has led him in this old castle, where he met with justice.
True justice!
Although retired.
Give me!
In the name of the people.
In the name of all peoples.
The court of the castle of La Brunetinre...
Recognizes Alfredo Rossi.
guilty...
and sentences him...
To the death penalty!
The court entrusts him to the executioner,
so that he proceeds to halt his life,
Separating his head from the bust!
Greetings! Hurrah! Hurrah!
- Thanks! - Congratulations!
Thanks! Thanks!
- Dear Alfredo! - Lawyer!
We lost, huh?
- At the ruling you had a little scare? - No, it was a moment, the storm!
You are really good, President! My accuser!
Bravo also the prosecutor!
- A toast to the health of the sentenced to death! - Crowning the lovely evening!
Thanks, thanks!
- After you! - To my lawyer!
- To the public prosecutor! - Prosit! - Cheers!
- Cheers! To our beautiful game! - That succeeded primarily thanks to you!
Spaghetti!
Hey! Spaghetti!
Before the Registrar.
Puts them on record!
No, they're for you! You are the condemned!
Actually, as final wish, I'd thought of something else, right Simonetta?
Don't forget!
They have sentenced me to death. Okay, I say,
but the Count cut a great shitty figure!
As a landlord, hats off! Good evening!
But as lawyer!... One is either Count or lawyer!
Here she is! Simonetta who's preparing my bed!
Beautiful! What're you doing, going away? I wait with confidence!
A promise is a debt! Remember, please!
But you do Pilet, undress me? Leave that for me to do!
Well, we can not even chat, because you're mute!
Put me the skullcap even ? Thank you Pilet. Bye.
You are very kind. You're a gentle Executioner!
Napoleon dear, what a bouffe tonight!
Think that I had been on a diet. Tomato and mozzarella, 600 calories.
Tonight, 600 million!
And how I climb on the bed, now?
Go!
Too short a run. I'd better climb!
Here I am! Coming up!
Oh God, where am I going?
And these? Whose are they? Are mine?
Hey. Napoleon!
But what's this bed? May be good to your skin, but it's a big bullshit!
And I'm alone! Imagine when we'll be two!
Me and Simonetta.
I am ready!
You may come, Simonetta!
Niece of the executioner!
Come to fulfill the last wish...
Of a man condemned to death!
Come, come!
Come, Simonetta...
to break off...
This big head!
Who is it?
Who are you, Simonetta?
Miss! What you doing here? Maybe you followed me?
Yes?
Come with me.
And where to?
Tuck yourself in here!
No, Alfredo!
- Come with me! - Coming!
But who revealed my name?
Where do you lead me? Towards the light?
You too are a guest of the castle?
- Oh, the bike! - Climb!
We go by motorcycle? Inside the house?
Where? Where are you taking me?
Slow, hey!
We've arrived?
Oh, dear ones! You're here too?
She keeps telling me things, but I don't understand her!
My dearest friends, were waiting for me?
What is this, a night party?
And what is this? The block! Oh God!
The scaffold! And what does this mean?
What do you want to do to me, hey! But what's this game? Goes on at night too?
Registrar! President, lawyer, prosecutor!
You had told me it's a game! All good games come to an end!
No, Mr. Rossi, it was not a game!
No?
It was not a game!
Mr. Executioner! Thanks a lot for the party.
No! Stop! What are you doing?
No! Why you all rip my collar?
No! Oh God! What are you doing?
No! Wait! You can not do it! I can not die like this!
lam Catholic! I want a priest! I want a priest! I want a priest!
I want a priest! I want a priest!
I want a priest!
I want...a priest! I want... Hey! What's that?
Oh no, come on! But... hey!
But I slept on the floor? What is it? Who is it?
Good morning, Mr. Rossi!
Simonetta!
- What time is it, dear? - Seven!
- In the morning? - Yes.
And you brought me a cup of coffee?
This is the Emperor's breakfast!
Yes? Napoleon, you went all out in the morning, huh?
Excuse me, Simonetta, but why didn't you come last night?
I came, but you weren't here!
But how, excuse me! I was here!
I waited for you! Maybe I dozed off, I fell out of bed!
No! I looked, but you were not here!
Right! And where did I go? Go around in a nightshirt.
Oh God!
The collar!
Hey!
Ah!
Fuck you!
Simonetta dear! I waited all night, you know! Wait, where are you going?
You broke your word! The dreams I had, waiting for you!
- Dr. Rossi! - Wait!
Listen, I must tell you something, excuse me!
We'd agreed that you would come to me! Why didn't you come?
- Dr. Rossi! Dr. Rossi! - Stay now!
- You have an appointment at 9! - I know. A minute or two!
- It's an important appointment! - All right, important, but...
Damn, what a memory you all have here!
Good morning! Good morning everyone!
- Good morning! - Slept well?
Hey there! Good morning Registrar, how are you?
- You have rested well, Dr. Rossi? - Well, really well I wouldn't say!
But last night, I understood why Napoleon slept so little!
Poor fellow! With that bed, preferred to do some battles instead of sleeping!
- Brought you breakfast? - Yes, I had a coffee, thanks!
Comprehensive coffee?
What? Was not comprehensive, it was an Easter dinner!
I nibbled! A little here, a little there! Darn, how much you eat in Switzerland!
Full coffee. - And our Count and his friends, what they do? Still asleep?
Of course, it was a bit late for them last night, huh?
What you doing, Registrar, always take notes, put it on record?
What's this?
Ah, the brochure of the castle! Nice! I take it as a souvenir.
This, too, thanks. What is it?
It 's the count!
- Ah, a print of the Count! A lithograph. - No, the bill!
The bill!
- How, the bill, please? - I hope you'll find our prices reasonable!
Prices? Sorry, Registrar, let me understand. But...
- But this is a bill! - That's what we said!
- But is this a hotel? - Yes, it is clear!
Yeah?
Eh!
Excuse me, but...
l thought... l...
I thought I was the Count's guest!
Guest in the sense...- I see 5 seats here, so instead, you were my guests!
"Strong emotions at the castle of La Brunetimre". And I believe it!
More than a thrill! 52,00050 what, what?
524,000 lire! Here, Registrar! This is yours, my present!
I got it! The same game that continues this morning!
You are witty, but I don't know to what extent. Cause, hey!
Not having been forewarned, lam not bound to pay any bill!
I pay for what I ask! Huh, sorry, I have been invited, begged, to stay!
You're a man of law, right?
Then you have to agree that there are all the grounds of a swindle!
I just do what I'm told. But if you prefer, Dr. Rossi,
We can tell Pilet...
To go and call the Count!
No, what's that got to do with Pilet? Why tell Pilet to call the Count?
It's not to dispute, but these scenes are embarrassing!
Nothing like this ever happened to me!
Huh, sorry, you realize! 524,000 lire. More than half a million, hey!
Keep in mind it's high season,
and that the Count certainly does not host the first-come!
And he chose just me? And what can I say!
Thanks! I am honored!
Wines, 165,000 lire!
I assure you that we have very little margin for wine!
Apartment Napoleon, 23,000 lire. Costume rental, a tailcoat, 15,000 lire.
Garage call. Well, this is okay, 250 lire.
Long distance Milan, 3,400.
Champagne and cigars 32.
Everything, you put in! As soon as I budged, wham!
And what is this? Even the process you pay!
President Dutz 50,000. Prosecutor Zorn 30,000.
Lawyer La Brunetimre 30,000. Registrar 12,000.
- Oh well! - We're not expensive! - So you say!
We are all true magistrates! I still lend service at the court of Bern.
Indeed, at 11 I have a hearing
Rip off in all languages.
"The most beautiful night of your life". I asked for it!
It's my fault!
Can I pay with a check?
No, we prefer cash.
And that's why we applied a discount of 10%.
Imagine, they saw the money!
Here we go! Sorry, not to split hairs, but...
There's one thing I don't get. Want to explain? Here! These are 500.
L.W., 50,000. What is it?
Ah, yes. Last Wish!
As the Count would say, a rose bud for a connoisseur of flowers!
Why, even Miss Simonetta plays?
Oh, no, no, not always.
But, when the customer is particularly fascinating...
Oh! Oh yeah, huh?
Look, Registrar, there is another small detail that you need to explain.
Cause, you know, I don't get it by myself!
I, when I consumed 70,000 lire of folk choir?
But it's there, Dr. Rossi! Come and see! Waiting for you!
Here's the Count after the balance! And calls me Doctor again!
- What's up, another little surprise? - In your honor!
The folk choir, in costume!
- Herr Rossi, they say! - Your name! - They learned my name quickly!
I believe it! For 70,000 lire! Joke! We needed the choir!
Hello, Doctor! - Hey, dear ones! I will send you many customers from Milan!
Those yes, you must prosecute! All decent people, with real dough!
Here, it's for you. Thank you president.
What is it? A tube? What's inside?
- A degree? - No!
- It's your death sentence. - Yeah?
Good! This, I'll stick it up...
In the office, huh?
Well! Farewell, my dear judges!
- Count, thank you for the lovely evening! - Goodbye!
- Goodbye! - President! Prosecutor! - Goodbye, doctor!
Thanks to you too for the lovely evening!
Thank you, Pilet!
What can I say.
It was the most beautiful night of my life!
Goodbye!
Doctor? The service is not included!
So you speak, now!
Oh, alright!
Minus 10! He was mute, the servant!
What liars!
Goodbye, beautiful! Thanks!
- Auf Wiedersehen! - Please! - Thanks!
Thank you all!
- Come, doctor! - Thanks!
Come, doctor, come! All to the right. Turn!
Farewell!
It's useless! We must just admit it! Italians are the best customers!
Oh yes!
Wait!
Miss!
But it's destiny that we meet!
Miss! Miss?
Yesterday, then, my car stopped!
You know, that last night I even dreamed of you?
If you knew where I ended up because of you!
But, today, where you taking me?
Madonna mia!